Politics is like High School

A woman journalist I saw last week whose name I can not remember went on at some length on how the Republican side of the Presidential race reminded her of High School. She said, John McCain was the coolest guy in the school -- not the smartest, best looking or athletic, just the coolest guy.

Thinking about it, I would like to flesh out her brilliant insight.

All American High School

Coolest guy in school:

John McCain, you knew he’d be war hero. A Navy brat who had seen it all at seventeen.

The Richest Kid:

Mitt Romney, the Senior Class President who has the only Porsche in the parking lot and gets his ass kissed by every college recruiter. Never a hair out of place, an assignment late. He natuarlly has a drop dead gorgeous girl friend. Most mere mortals hate him, but only behind his back.

The Head Cheerleader: John Edwards is the only one in school who looks natural in a white cheerleaders sweater. He is the prettiest straight boy on campus and always has a comeback for every circumstance. In spite of this he is not quite cool because he tries too hard.

The Queen Bee with her finger in every pie is Hillary Clinton. She is not the reigning beauty nor the rich social goddess, but she is the tireless hard working and ever so temperamental Editor of the Yearbook and a key officer in every other important student organization. She is the always politically correct pet student of the Principal and most of the faculty. As editor of the yearbook, she controls the collective memory and knows it. She combines the impressive if tiresome qualities of the CW Channel characters Paris Geller in “Gilmore Girls” and Blair Waldorf of “Gossip Girl.”

The Cool Connected Black Kid: Barak Obama is cool smart and black -- the one who gets honor roll grades but is only third string on the basketball team. He is the great wisecracker and talker, Student body VP. He starred as Professor Harold Hill in the Spring Musical, “The Music Man.”

Captain of the Football Team: Fred Thompson, the big smart slow talking hero. He is universally popular and can sit with any table in the cafeteria: the jocks, the cool guys, the black jocks, the smart kids, the nerds all like to be seen with him and even the goths don’t dislike him.

The front man on Christian Rock Band: Governor Huckabee is the active Christian kid, good grades and the best guitar player in the Senior class, popular and as close to being cool as a working class Baptist could be.

The President of the Science Club: Congressman Dennis Kusinich is the leading nerd and vegetarian. While a bit of a geek, he has a knack for dating cute girls.

The real smart kid: Rudy Giuliani is the smart Italian kid, smart cool and a go getter. He is Student body Treasurer and the Chairman of the Senior Ball. He is the school Mr. Fix It and has connections all over. He is the male counter part of the queen bee and like her is respected and feared by most other kids. Almost everybody in school owes him something.

The rich Latino Kid: Governor Richardson is the cool, slightly pudgy Latino kid whose dad owns a couple Mexican restaurants a tortilla factor. He is the school's first Chicano Preppie and is able stay in both groups. He has the second most expensive sports car in the parking lot. The only ethnic kid on the golf team, he is on the all the dance and social committees and got an early acceptance to Stanford.

The head Goth: Congressman Ron Paul is the super smart and insufferable alpha male Goth.

Second string football players: Senators Biden and Dodd, sort of cool, sort of popular but as linemen they know they can never be the real alpha male top guy.

Please add or amend this as you see fit.