Cool in August

August 10, 2008
Los Angeles

Johnny Cabral

A very odd week, indeed. We’ve had temperatures in the 70’s. Very very odd, but maybe it is just nature having fun with Al Gore --the PT Barnum of Global Warming and we’re all doomed. I get physically ill when I see Gore ranting and sweating like a full immersion Baptist turned tree hugger. If he asserts something my gut tells me it has to be wrong. It’s not that there isn’t warming, it’s just that if Barbara Boxer and Patty Murray -- air heads both -- think they know how to fix it, then we are really in trouble. Of course “all the scientists are in unanimous agreement on Global Warming” and they will burn any heretics at the stake. This includes any and every sorry ass nerd who disagrees even slightly with the "settled" collective wisdom. My belief is that even thinking that humans can have a big time impact one way or the other on global warming is an both hubris and wishful thinking. At best we can have an effect around the edges, but we have as much control of weather and climate as the fleas have control of their host dog.

There, that is my first rant.

I found on the web an off off broadway satire, “Jihad -- the musical.” It is currently playing on the Fringe at the Edinburgh Festival. It has generated a huge outcry of protest by Islamic Activists and gotten tut-tut’s from certain members of the Labour Party.

I couldn’t imagine why except it is a satire in the snappy tradition of Yiddish Theater, like Mel Brooks. The chorus line are covered head to foot in Scaparelli pink burkas as they dance with fake Kalashincov’s and RPG’s. The great hit number is a wonderful “I want to be like Osama.” There are other good songs, like the French want to be jihadist who being French always chickens out and splits when the deed is to be done. Perhaps he thinks virgins are overrated and he prefers live strumpets and tarts to celestial virgins. Check it out: Google “Jihad the Musical.”

Did you see the the Democratic Presidential candidates at the AFL-CIO “debate”? This was another episode of Hillary and the seven dwarves. All of them pandered and ass kissed shamelessly as they pledged to defend the workers and the Union Bosses, indicted or not.

For me the high points of the past week or so have been the huge uproar over Hillary and “cleavage.” This is the most silly and stupid press flap in decades. Senator Clinton is an attractive and intelligent woman of a certain age who appeared on the Senate floor in a dressy business suit and the blogsters and the news went bananas. The small amount of “cleavage” she exposed was well within the accepted bounds of her Midwestern Middle Class Methodist heritage. Yet it became the biggest rumpus since Congressman Joe Baca (D-Riverside) called Congresswomen Loretta Sanchez (D-Santa Ana) a whore (puta) at a Latino Caucus meeting.

I am beginning to feel considerable sympathy for Senator Clinton. It must be tough to be an intelligent and hard working adult in the weird casting call of Presidential contenders. She does far less gross pandering than any other Democrat and most of her statements on important war and peace issues are well thought out and serious. Sure she throws the audience enough “red meat” partisanship to keep them listening, but the lady has done her homework and she is making it clear that she is capable of being President. Not that I would vote for her, but she is the class of the field on the Democrats side.

Of the others, well Senator Obama proves he is still green by his weekly verbal blunders. Like the sex education for kindergartners which only got worse as he tried to explain it away. Then there were his making hay of an otherwise well crafted foreign policy speech. Obnama said that he would not bomb an enemy like Iran but was quite prepared to invade an ally, Pakistan, which has its own Atomic Bombs to boot. Then he said he would never use atomic weapons if children were involved. I’m still trying to capish’ what that translates to in terms of “rules of engagement.” A couple weeks ago he said it was vital that the US get out of Iraq and quickly. When asked about the chance of setting off a major episode of genocide he said it was OK with him so long as we got out. Did he endorse genocide as a legit policy objective? He later sort qualified that he didn’t, but what he really meant is anybody’s guess. A very bright guy who is still inexperienced in major league play.

Of the other Democratic contenders, I will give my reaction to a few of them. Senator Biden is a very nice man and an intelligent one too, who has a unique ability to derail his presidential hopes with really dumb off the cuff remarks that top Dub’ya at his west Texas worst. My favorite Bushism is “Imports are things we buy from other countries, mainly.” Biden for some unknown reason. Biden got tangled up in a very unfunny joke about Indian and Pakistani store clerks.

Former Senator Edwards is a utter mystery to me. He has to to be the most shallow and transparently opportunistic candidate I have ever seen. Now he is pretty boy, the David Beckham of politics. He has one of the shortest and least distinguished resume’s of any Presidential candidate of either party. There is no there there, as Gertrude Stein said about Oakland. He lives in the largest private dwelling ever built in his home state, a home of 28,000 square feet. (The White House is only 32,000 square feet.) That is pretty good for the passionate advocate of the “poor.” He is a bullshit red neck populist of the most crass and shameless sort. His voting record shows he believes in nothing in particular and always votes for the most popular position. But he smiles and his hair glistens like a Breck Shampoo advert. He is eloquent in a smarmy trial lawyer used car salesman manner. The lord of the manor of North Carolina’s mini San Simeon, Edwards is a grinning empty suit of zero executive ability. His wife is a trooper and moxie, but she is also a mother of small children and a woman afflicted with stage four cancer. As I said I admire her fighting spirit but I can not for the life of me figure what they are doing in a Presidential race right now. The campaign is longer than the lady’s life expectancy. This is very peculiar, at least it is for me. Finally, since he feared running for reelection and failed to carry his home state for the Kerry-Edwards ticket in 2004, I can not see any Democratic nominee wanting him as a running mate. The one requirement of a VP nominee is that he or she can carry their home state.

Now there is Dennis Kusinich, a Congressman from Cleveland and and a time warp figure who still seems to think it is 1969. I have not give the vegetarian politician much thought since Dennis Miller point out his strong resemblance to the character Gollum in the Lord of the Ring. Poor Dennis, still questing for his precious golden ring.

One of the guys I like a lot is Governor Bill Richardson. He has as heavy and distinguished a resume as Edwards is empty fluff. His position on the war is utter nonsense. Even in the best circumstances it would take nine to 15 months to extract our forces from Iraq. However, he is a gifted diplomat who has a track record of success in dealing with hard case if not criminal dictators and even the North Koreans. When the North Koreans request a session with him, both Bill Clinton and George Bush have supplied him with a State Department plane and staff and sent him off. This is important since negotiating with them is a wretched job that is worse than a three day marathon of root canals. Richardson is a western Democrat and the one Democrat with an proven ability to work across the aisle with Republicans. A moderate liberal, he is the one candidate who might be able to pour oil on the political waters and lower the currently toxic level of partisanship.

Senator Chris Dodd is an old warhorse and model of a long surviving political hack. His major accomplishment was as a guy who could drink Senator Kennedy under the table in the days when they cut a wide swath. Their favorite trick was the cocktail waitress sandwich. When his long time partner Joe Lieberman got in trouble, Dodd didn’t help him.

On the Republican side I have to say Governor Romney sure looks like a real Great White Father more than any politician since Franklin D. Roosevelt. His five kids and ten grandchildren are an impressive tribe.

Senator John McCain is a very salty old Navy man who has a big heart and no patience for petty partisanship. I like him and admire him. He is far more impressive face to face than on the tube. His time may well have passed, but he is guy who knows what he believes and goes for it. His deep support for the Iraq combined with thumbing Bush and Rumsfeld when they needed it is heartening. His son just entered the Naval Academy and looks like he follow in the family business -- the US Navy.

Rudy Giuliani is my choice. You got a problem with that? Good!

It’s going to be him and Hillary. Both honor students -- a good thing after two elections of nothing but “C” students -- Kerry & Gore had even worse grades than Dub’ya. Both are hard chargers and have a reputation for not always letting bygones be bygones. While Governor Bill Richardson would be a great VP choice for Hillary, I understand she does care for him. I would bet she picks a good gray qualified guy for her running mate, somebody who would never ever up stage her. Both have very public and messy history in the marriage department, Rudy because he’s been married three times and Hillary because she has stuck with her one and only when most women would have thrown his clothes on the driveway and changed the locks.

A big bonus for both parties is that Rudy and Hillary are hated by the “eyes that glow in the dark” activists that infest their parties. A race of Hillary vs. Rudy would be sock in the nose to both the Moon bats (lefties) and wing nuts (righties).

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